7/2/15

Overwhelmed

Not a quilting post, y'all.  More of a personal note. 

Oh, what the heck.  Here's a quilty picture, just so you can see I'm still sewing.


This pattern is called Barbed Wire, from the book Twosy-Foursy quilts.  It's made from bricks that are cut 2.5x4.5 and 2.5x6.5, so it's really easy.  I like the pattern so much that I'm making a second scrappy one out of red and beige and have plans for several more, to help me use up some scraps.  These will be simple Linus patterns that I can whip up pretty quick and donate.

Anyway, back to feeling overwhelmed.  I'm sure I'm not the first new groom to feel overwhelmed.  Or to think it's silly to feel that way.  Rob has sailed into married life like a ship cutting through fog.  Me, not so much.

Which is really weird since this makes no difference in our everyday life.  We've been together 15 years.  All we did was make our relationship legally recognized.  But, we still get up at the same time and go to the same jobs and eat dinner as a family and watch TV and go to sleep in the same bed at night.  Nothing has changed... except everything seems like it should have.

Maybe that's what is overwhelming me.  I kind of had this expectation that everything would be different after we married... and nothing is. 

I haven't told many people that I'm married.  I don't know why, but it feels kind of private at this point.  And, I'm not willing to risk having to murder someone for saying something disparaging.  And, I'm also pretty sure that's exactly what I'd try to do. 

So, I just keep it to myself.  There are a few very close friends that know.  But, only a few. 

Rob has told everyone.  He's the personable one... the one that keeps up with our social obligations and drags me away from the sewing machine to go do stuff with people.  Otherwise, I don't think I'd never walk away from the fabric.  So, for him, it's been easy.  His friends expected him to marry, and have come to him and asked if he did. 

I'm much more reserved with my friends and it just hasn't come up.  And, I haven't brought it up.  It's not like I'm ashamed.  I look down at my hand, frequently during the day and see that same ring that I've worn for about 12 years and think about how that ring has a new meaning. 

I'm just not ready to talk about that new meaning. 

Maybe it's because it's all too new and close to the surface, and I'm just not willing to bring it out to play. 

Or, maybe I'm just an introvert that's on unfamiliar social ground and not sure what to do.

Or, maybe I'm just being me, and this is how I handle being married, as a foregone conclusion, not a notable change, and I'm handling it that way... and wondering if that's right.  But, pretty sure it is because it feels comfortable.

Who knows.  But, I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter.  Because every day we get out of the same bed, and every night we get back into it... together.

Everybody have a great Thursday.  I think we're all going to be off tomorrow.  An extra day to spend with family. 

Now, that's something that feels right. 

Lane