It's the look that Anne Bancroft interpreted for us when Patty Duke as Helen Keller, learned what "w-a-t-e-r" is.
Unfortunately, today, teaching my child feels much more like this.
One day, I'm going to see that confused look pass over Sydney's face. And, then there will be that moment of comprehension. And, then she'll actually get it. And, the heavens will open and the sun will shine upon her and angels will sing as a flock of white doves passes overhead, cooing softly. And, then I'll sit down and pull that Anne Bancroft, exhausted, victorious look out of my pocket and I will put it on...and the world will be a happier place.
Last night was not one of our best nights. We got a call from the Spanish teacher. You guys all know how hard I've worked with her on Spanish. We started good. Rob and I talked and got our frustrations off our chests and then we approached the demon. I was calm. Rob was calm. And, then she had to smart off. And, the disappointments and frustrations of 4 months of pushing and prodding and dragging and pulling her to understand Spanish all came rushing out.
Not my best parenting moment, but underneath all the anger, there were little victories. Like I realized how angry I was and after a short burst, I went to the garage to sit for a few minutes. That's a victory for me. Like I brought her around full circle from my shouts to her showing me just how much Spanish she actually knows. Not losing track of the actual topic is a victory for me. Like bringing it all back down to a normal tone by bedtime. That's a victory for me. Like the long email I sent to the teacher in hopes that I can keep Sydney in the class. And not blaming the teacher, even though I think suggesting that Sydney drop the class was a bit inappropriate and excessive for a kid that has a C. That's a victory for me. Like managing not to argue too much with Rob about this, even though arguing with him is easier and more feels better than arguing with Sydney. That's a victory for me.
Like not going to my unhappy place because I shouted at a very frustrating kid. That's a victory for me. Like keeping her with us and continuing to try new things, even knowing that 4 families tried before us and she pulled these same shenanigans and none of them could handle it. That's a freakin' huge victory for Me and Rob, both.
So, I'll keep waiting for my Annie Sullivan moment and I promise, when it comes, I'm going to hire me a photographer to capture the exhausted victory in my face, just like the photographer did for Anne Bancroft. Me. Looking heavenward, toward my reward.
Guess it's not quite time to look under photographers in the yellow pages, tho.
On a happier and more fruitful note, I really appreciate all the comments from yesterday's post. I know I called it boring, but that quilt really isn't. It's just taking forever and I'm ready to work on the next one. I'm not really showing any more pics because I am planning to enter that one in an online show and you'll get the chance to see it and even vote for it (???) then. But, I will share this link to a post where I talked about it before I decided to enter it.
Well, that's it for today. Next, check whether the Spanish teacher wrote back. After that, work, work, work.