De River in Egypt

You know.  De Nile.  

Last Friday, we had dinner with friends.  Three of the four of us had lost our Mothers in the last 2 years.  And, I think I got a glimpse of how I'm dealing with my own loss.  

I think I'm doing okay.  I have occasional bouts of anger that's above and beyond the situation, but I've managed to express that without saying or doing anything I can't recognize and apologize for.  Last week was a very angry week.  At nothing.  Except I was angry about the things I couldn't do, things I couldn't remember or things I've struggled to learn.  Angry at my own "deficiencies".   And, honestly, that's a familiar feeling from childhood, so I can't deny that it's part of my grieving.   I worked through it.  I didn't give up.  And I moved forward into this week for a fresh start.  I believe it will be a better week because of it.  

I've also kept my hands busy.  That's helped.  Busy hands leave my brain free to explore what I'm feeling and to work through feelings as they come up.  I was working on a sweater yesterday while TV was on in the background and the nicest childhood memory popped up and I thought about it and tried to remember every detail I could.  Everyone was happy.  I didn't let myself delve into what might have happened after or let any unpleasant memory come in and cloud the happy memory.  I just sat back and remembered what it was like to be a kid, knowing the adults were taking care of everything and all my sister and I needed to do was have fun.  And, we did.  

The sweater I was working on is this one.  I got all the seams sewn this weekend and about half the thread tails woven in.  That let me try it on and it fits perfect!

I mentioned that I was getting the best seams on this sweater that I've ever had.  First, I skip the first stitch of every row.  That gives me a nice selvage where I can see the stitches I'm sewing together.  And, instead of sewing them with a whip stitch, I used a crochet hook and pulled up a loop, caught the first stitches on each side with the hook and pulled a loop through those and the original loop.  It makes a ridge on the inside

but look how nice it is from the outside.  

The Stella D'oro daylily is having a second bloom.  This little daylily has exceeded expectations.  

And the Texas Red Star Hibiscus has started to bloom.  The flowers are about 6 inches across.  This plant is in the wrong place, but it's gotten pretty large and I'm afraid to try to move it.  I have a seedling from it and I moved it to what I think will be a better place, but it's in it's sleep year (1st year they sleep, 2nd year they creep, 3rd year they leap...wisdom from Rob) so I'm not going to know whether it's a better spot for a year or two.  

In the vein of keeping my hands busy, I've decided to try to learn the ukulele.  It's supposed to be an easy instrument to learn.  I've done my first online lesson and am practicing fingering of the first three chords.  I practice until my hand cramps, so I'm building up muscles there, too.  It's supposed to be a 10 day course, but it's going to take me longer because I want to spend time fully understanding and practicing each lesson.  We will see how long this lasts.  I'm already tired of You Are My Sunshine. 😂

Anyway, our friends seem to be having more De Nile than me.  One seems stuck in the angry phase, which she is suppressing, and I think the other one needs someone to talk to that's not stuck in the angry phase.  But, I'm no shrink and it's entirely possible that they're doing great and I'm the one with the problem.  

That's the beauty of the brain.  It's not like math where there's only one answer.  There are as many mental health answers as there are people on earth.  And, then some.  

Someone anonymously replied to an older post that trump's followers wouldn't turn their backs on him.  They're clearly not paying attention.  his supporters are turning their backs on his crazy every day.  Not a lot at a time.  But, a few, every time he opens his mouth.  

Everybody have a great week!  If you're dealing with something hard, you have my empathy.  I get it and hope you're finding ways to deal with it that bring you peace.  Hang in there.  Recovering is just letting things get a little easier every day.  

Lane