Therapy brings out all kinds of things. Some are easy. Some are funny. Some are hard. But, you learn about yourself. For me, most of therapy happens outside the therapists office; when I'm thinking about something that came up. Something I couldn't understand by myself, but after talking about it and sleeping on it, the answer usually comes to me. Might not be an answer I like, but it's usually clear, even when it takes hearing the same thing over and over for a year to finally sink in.
Everyone needs intimate time. Time with a partner. Time with a child. Time with a close friend. Time spent focused on just one other person.
For a long time, I've been of the opinion that just being together was enough and so I've spent intimate time quilting; focused on something other than the person I'm with. Not out of any meanness, but partly because I can't stay awake when I sit still, and partly because having a kid around meant that time to quilt became much more precious so I tried to squeeze in every second I could.
I remember my paternal grandparents. They were always so busy. Something to do all the time. Even when they sat at the end of the day and watched TV. It was quiet. He in his recliner and she sewing or crocheting in the other chair. Quiet. Peaceful.
I don't remember seeing my parents spend intimate time either. They were both busy as well and by the time my Mom got supper cooked and dishes washed and swept the kitchen floor (yes, there was a time when people swept the kitchen floor every day), got all of us bathed and dressed for bed, there wasn't much time for intimacy because they were both focused on us kids so much. I never really got to see them "together" and just focused on one another.
Now, our little girl is growing up and wanting to spend more and more time focused on her stuff. And, her behavior is getting better, and she's learning to study and read better, and she just doesn't need us as much. And, that leaves us more time for intimacy. But, after she came to live with us, I had to really multi-task to get everything done and I've gotten so good at occupying my time that now I have to re-learn how to have intimate time. Time spent focused on one other person. Time spent separate from my quilting time. Down time when the stresses of work and raising a child and homework aren't all we focus on. Call it date night. Which is going to mean giving up some quilting time. And, that's hard, too.
And, it's going to be hard to find intimate time in a house that focuses on television. Trying to find time that isn't about doing anything in particular. Maybe TV can be on in the background, but intimate time isn't just sitting and watching TV together, either.
So, this is life's next little curve ball. Remembering how to be intimate. I daresay that I will like this one better than some of the other curve balls we've been thrown lately. Having kids is hard work. It's a wonder anybody does it.
Here's a picture of the hand pieced Drunkard's Path quilt. Last night, I cut out another one to have ready for hand work.
But, the next one is going to take longer. I'm going to be doing something else with my evenings for a while. Like getting to know my partner again. And, you know? I'm looking forward to it. To remembering how to have intimate time. Just focused on one other person.
Take care and have a great Tuesday. Quilt as you go. Lane
