First volleyball game!

Okay, so somehow we went from being a quiet, stay at home couple that spent time puttering around the house to sports parents in three years. Who'd a' thunk that I would be cheering at a volleyball game?

And, boy, what newbies we were. We both left work early so we could make sure we were on time for the first game, only to find out that they charged admission and we didn't have even a quarter between us. So, we had to leave, and because it was an away game that was so far away from civilization that they have to bus in the sunshine, we had to drive forever to find an ATM. When we got there, the A team had finished their first game and were starting the second. Of course, because we were new, we didn't know why all the parents for our team were sitting on the side of the opposition and we originally ended up in the middle of the opposing cheering section, which we quickly moved out of.

The other team was from a more affluent part of town, and it was obvious that many of those girls had gone to volleyball camps and/or had been playing for a lot longer than the average girl in our team. Their A team trounced our A team. But, Sydney plays on the B team and their B team and ours were much more closely matched and the game was very exciting. They beat us in a tie breaker game by the two point lead required for a win.

Listen to me talk about the rules...haha! When we walked in, I didn't even know what a good play was, except that you needed to keep the ball off the floor and in bounds. But, by the time I left, I knew a bunch of rules. This is the B team warming up. That's mine in the center with white knee pads.



Again warming up.



In the huddle.



Now, you're wondering why I don't have any pics of my kid playing. Well, she played in the second game and of course, that was at the other end of the gym from us. She didn't play long. Said she was too nervous when the coach asked if she wanted back in the game. Okay, there's something to work on. She has a strong serve and until she got hit in the nose with the ball, her head was really in the game. After the whole nose thing, she was kind of distracted and avoided the ball. But, I wish the coach had made her get back in the game instead of asking. You know how that getting back on the horse thing goes.

And, this was after we got home. You can see half of her cheering squad there. Now that he's seen her play, he has a whole coaching plan set up to work with her on. I think we'll be starting this weekend. That'll give him a new hobby. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten any custom made furniture in a while.

Oh, and 46 is not her regular number. Her jersey has a rip down one of the seams. She told the coach I can sew, so the coach asked if I could fix it. Well, yes, I can. It's a serged seam and I have a serger that I can repair it with. And, what stupid thing did I do? I offered to re-serge any others that tear this year. What a maroon! Sweaty girl shirts. Ewwwww! I draw the line at repairing spandex shorts, tho. No how, no way!

Have a great Friday. We're planning fun things to do and I think Rob wants to go to another city-wide garage sale, since I mentioned it the other day. Those are almost always fun.

See ya round the web. Or in the stands. Lane

The power of laughter

I remember the first time I found the power of laughter. I'm going to poke a little fun at my Mom, but I don't think she'll mind. This is something I said to her recently and she laughed when I told her.

Around our house, we've had a hard time with consequences. We weren't really prepared to be parents and we took in the kid with a quick decision. I remember when I called my sister to tell her about Sydney and her first question was "Do you know what you're getting into?" And we did not. We weren't ready to discipline a child in the modern world. Everything that we had learned about parenting was either not recommended for kid's with behavioral problems or it was forbidden to us as guardians (but would be okay if we were parents...what's up with that??? it should be one set of rules for everybody!)

I can look back over the last three years and smile now, but there were times when it just was not funny. But, I always knew one thing for sure. We could never give in or we would never get the compliance we needed in order to be able to build trust with a child who did not trust adults. A child with abandonment issues, who had learned to manipulate the adults around her to work them into a frenzy where they did something they would regret and go to the other extreme trying to make up for it. Oh, boy. Did she know that lesson well.

But that's not the point of my story. When I was a kid, I got in trouble. A lot. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true, so if you're having trouble with a son, remember that he will probably grow out of it...eventually. But I learned that if I could make my Mom laugh, I could get out of just about anything. If I could make her laugh, I could get out of a spanking, or grounding, or doing the dishes. And, I took full advantage of that.

Unfortunately, the fact that I could make her laugh and get myself out of trouble was why I got into so much trouble. I didn't believe in the consequences because I could affect them. With laughter.

Okay, so picture my Mom, sitting in a chair, holding my shoulder in a death grip while she tried to decide what to do with me, giving me a periodic shake to make sure she had my attention. And, I flashed her my most winning smile and kept it up, no matter how hard she tried to be severe until I wore her anger down and eventually made her smile too. I can remember her trying so hard to cover those smiles and keep her stern demeanor on, but eventually it would crack. She would look away and try to compose herself or cover he mouth with her hand. It was like watching the Carol Burnett Show when Tim Conway would do something hilarious and crack the rest of the cast up. I remember it like it was yesterday.

And, I made her miserable after I figured out how to do that. I was out of control. Well, out of control for a 10 year old in the early 70's, which is nothing compared to what we would consider out of control today.

It worked for years. And, I can remember just as clearly when I got to be a teen and it didn't work anymore. But, by then, my Mom had graduated to "I'm going to tell your father when he gets home". Now, my Dad is the most easygoing man in the world and rarely gets angry. (But, when you made him angry, he used to get really angry.) I don't remember ever having my Dad sit me down and discipline me for anything my Mom told him when he got home. I don't know whether she told him and he decided a day of suffering, waiting for him to get home was enough, or whether she decided not to tell him and he never knew about the torment I was putting her through. (again, I use the word torment loosely. I was a really good kid, just not always the kid my parents wanted me to be. compared to some of the stunts my own kid has pulled, I was an angel.)

Still, I grew up okay. Never any severe run-ins with the law. Didn't surrender my life to drugs like so many other kids my age did when they grew up. I had a good sound basis for how to get through life without much trouble. But, remembering how I could get my Mom to soften and knowing that meant I could get away with just about anything turned my resolve to steel. I never give in. If I say do something, you better get it done. If I set an expectation, you better meet it. If you tell me something, it better be the truth and you better mean it. All my parenting has been tinted with the memory that if I gave in, I'd never be able to trust Sydney again. And, whether she realizes it or not, Sydney is going to want me to trust her more and more as she gets older.

And, it has worked. Good grades. And, more importantly, the trouble she gets into is just stupid stuff and usually driven by hormones or failure to realize that she's a big girl and can hurt somebody without even trying. It's good that she learns that early.

So, I know that if I can get you to laugh, I can get away with most anything. But, I'm never going to share that secret with my kid. And, you better not either.

Especially you, Mom.

Take care and have a great Way Back Wednesday. I hope this little tale about the power of laughter reminds you of a time that laughter helped you get out of trouble. And, I hope it doesn't remind you of a time it got you into trouble. Lane

What's really important?

Yes, that's my beastie mugging for the camera. This was last night at her awards ceremony, where she got an award for A/B honor roll, including an award for maintaining that grade level all year. She's standing next to her best friend, who won the same award. Smart girls. This is important.



And, these are the orange roses she gave me on Sunday. I've been talking about orange roses blooming in our neighborhood and she saw these the other day and remembered me saying that. Funny, she can't always remember to tie her shoes, but she remembered that. This is important.



But she's grating on my last surviving nerve this week with all that hormonal attitude and backtalk. She's about to go on a school field trip to a local water park and we are worried about her ability to handle it. She's been to the pool with the summer camp group and we watched her last night with her friends. She's clumsy. And, she get's over-excited in a crowd of her peers and forgets how to behave. Knowing who she is and not pretending she's anything different is important.

Will we get the call that she's fallen and busted her head open? Will we get the call that she's drowned another kid? Will we get the call to come get her because she's out of control? Or will she go on shooting spree? We worry about her, and that's important.

At some point, we're going to have to let her go into the world and hope that she remembers all the things we taught her. That's important.

But, first we're going to drill her on pool safety and good behavior and not falling in with the wrong crowd and I don't really care how many times she rolls her eyes and storms off and says "I know all this already". We're going to do this for us. And, that's important too.

Because we're the parents and darn it, we get to worry when we want to. And, we get to lecture and frown and threaten and cajole and bribe whenever we want to, too. And, it's important to remember that. We have all the power. And, that's the most important thing of all.

Take care and have a great Tuesday. Lane

Submit to my will

I've talked often about blocking my quilts and making them submit to the shape I have in mind. And, I never tire of sharing information. Many of my quilts are wallhangings and now I've made two quilted table toppers. I want these quilts to be square and all the edges be straight. Often, there's a shape in a quilt that doesn't want to come out perfectly square and wouldn't if I left them alone. The binding on the round quilt was not stretched and caused the edge to fold up like a bowl. But, by blocking, I can make the quilt come out exactly like I want. I can even make a single block that isn't exactly square come out square.

Here's a picture of the two most recent finishes being blocked. They'd been washed and then were pinned to the floor on top of towels. This morning, when they were dry, they were pretty stiff and perfectly shaped. I even pinned down all the points on the medallion to make sure they were straight and fanned out. Now that they've dried how I want them to, they'll lay like that until/unless they get wet again or wadded/folded up.



Now, I wonder how many pins it would take to get Sydney to bend to my will?????

Well, it's back to work for me today and Sydney gets to enjoy her last day out of school. I'm currently composing an email to the school about the trouble on the last day and hope that I can straighten that out with a minimum of having to deal with authority figures. But, at the same time, I want her to have to face her own music. There's only so much we can do and for the rest, we rely on our village to help out.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Jan 4. I think the next thing I'll be posting is the quilted pillow shams I'm working on for Sydney's bed. They're coming along fine, although a little slow. Nothing like working without a pattern. Take care. Lane

true addiction

Okay, I must be a true addict because even when I don't plan to quilt, I still quilt in one way or another. I didn't plan on doing any sewing last night, but I did. Okay, I didn't actually put fabric into the machine and sew last night, but I did some pinning so that I could do some sewing this morning. How's that?

I found out a couple of weeks ago that Sydney missed the part of language arts classes where they taught her to sound out words. She has a huge vocabulary and uses words appropriately. But, she couldn't take the letters on a page and turn them into a word. I found that out when her teacher this year had us track not only how long she read each day, but how many pages she covered. I found that she could read almost a hundred pages in a half hour. Uh-oh, something's wrong there. She's not a speed reader. Turns out she couldn't answer questions about what she'd read. So, I tried reading the same book as her. I'd read it and then she'd read it and she had to summarize what she'd read to pick out what was important. Couldn't do that either. So, now she reads aloud to me while I sew, or knit, or cook. I'm teaching her to sound out the words and the big reward was the other night when we finished the first book, which she said she'd read in 4th grade, and said it was a really good book this time. And, I have to agree. Ruby Holler by Sharon Creech was a good book. It's about twin orphans that get adopted by a really nice couple, so it was particularly applicable to our family...except the couple in the book were much nicer than Rob and I. We started our next book last night and it's set in Africa and has lots of names of people and things that are native to the region. And, with little prompting, she was able to sound out those words, too. So, now, I have my own little book on tape that I can listen to while I work. I just have to get through the complaining about having to read every night. :-(

All I worked on was putting together the strip sets for my 25 patch blocks for my irish chain. I really enjoy the leader/ender idea. It's like making two quilts at the same time, only one of them goes really slowly. I guess I could have tried doing it while I was paper piecing that Indian Orange Peel, but that seemed to get in the way more than it accomplished. Speaking of the Orange Peel, my mentor and I are getting together in a couple of weeks to work on the layout, so I'll be able to get moving on that one again. I really need to finish this apple theme quilt before then because I know I'm not going to want to stop assembling all those curved seams long enough to finish it later. And, I can't afford to stop, because that usually leads to a UFO and I don't want to be rushed to finish it so that I can enter it in shows in late winter. Plus, if it sits too long, I'll get out or practice quilting apples and leaves and blossoms. There's lots to say about quilting the same shape over and over and over. You get really good at it and I don't want to have to start the learning curve over again.

Okay, that's enough of me rattling on. Hope you guys are all having a great week. Take care and we'll see ya' round the net. Lane

Calgon...oh CALgon

CAL-GON!!!! TAKE ME AWAY!

Jeez, there is just too much going on, and I can't keep up with it. Work has ratcheted up to the point where I don't know whether I'm coming or going. And, I have a new co-worker who is the most pushy, passive-aggressive pain in the butt that I've ever worked with. She's also the first person I've ever worked with that I just don't mind being rude to at all. Normally, if I was rude to someone, I wouldn't rest until I'd apologized and tried to make it all better. But with her, I kinda don't mind if she hates me. Maybe it'll keep her off my back for a little while. Not that I've been really rude to her...yet.

Thank goodness Sydney is in a "good" phase. Since school started, we've had a couple of rounds of showing her that the more effort she puts into something, the less time she has to spend on it. Although, she is pushing me about dressing up for her school photos this year. Don't know why she's developed this thing about wearing T-shirts, but I really want her in something nicer than that for her school pic.

And, my quilting is going well. I finally have all the stitches out that I wanted to remove and am now started putting them back in, in the right colors. If my family will let me, I'm going to lock myself in the sewing room tonight and quilt until my hands get numb... I really need that relaxation right now. You know what I mean. That mind numbing sound of the needle going up and down, thinking of nothing more complex than staying on the lines. Ahhh. Sounds better than chocolate to me right now. But, maybe chocolate will get me through for the day.

Take care and have a great Wednesday! Lane

Update...Update...My child has friends!

Okay, I shouldn't be as excited as I am. But, I AM!

Last night we went to "Back to School" nite for the parents. We went to each of Sydney's classes and met all her teachers. And, every teacher had nice things to say about Sydney (and only a one seemed thrown by the fact that she was there with two fathers). Apparently she is very participative in class. She regularly gets extra credit in World Cultures because she keeps up with the news. Her art and choir teachers were very happy to see her. And, her math and language arts (english) teachers certainly had nice things to say about how attentive she is in class.

But, the best part was all the kids she talked to in the hall! They were everywhere and she knew them by name, and they seemed excited to see her. And, all the kids walked in front of the parents with their heads together, undoubtedly comparing notes on how dull their parents are. In fact, at one point, we had to pull her away so we could get to the next class. It was a wonderful thing to see.

And, even though she earned two home demerits yesterday, we had a wonderful evening with her, in her element, where she was in charge and got to lead us around as if she were a tour guide, pointing out the features of the school and introducing us to her teachers.

And, she has friends!

Y'all have a great Wednesday and we'll see ya' round the net. Lane

Oops, maybe I bargained too hard

So, we hit just a few garage sales on Saturday and I found my first box of fabric. I sorted through and pulled out all the cottons. There were 9 pieces of fabric and I thought they were all fat quarters. Yesterday, I serged to wash them and they were NOT fat quarters. When I walked up to the guy at the sale and asked how much, he said a dollar a piece. I gave him a skeptical look and said that fat quarters were only a dollar on sale, new at the store (I didn't point out that new, they come without all the dust) and he returned with $3 for the whole bunch. After washing, I measured the fabric and it came out to just over 5 1/2 yards...for 3 bucks! Boy, was I happy. And, only one of the 9 pieces wasn't a really great print and even that one is okay and will make a great background or receding piece in a quilt. It's just not a standout. And, one piece was these great pink and green asian fans that I'm thinking is going to be the focus fabric for a new bedspread quilt for Sydney's room. Her old comforter is wearing thin (it was very cheap and worked fine when she first came to us and we just needed a whole set of linens that was girlie).

Today was the first day of school. She didn't want me to walk to the bus stop with her. She's getting so independent. We got up early, did our yoga, packed lunches and had breakfast and she got ready for school with no prompting. I followed her out the door like a puppy when she went to the bus stop, but she sent me back long before we got to the corner. I'm sure she got on the bus, but I would have liked to be there the first day. And, after she was gone, I thought of a hundred things I could have done to make her first day a little easier, like labeling all those binders she had to lug in. But, by that time, it was too late. Now, she's a junior high school student and I'm sure that the schedule for today will be a little flexible to give her time to figure all those things out.

Her hair looks good. The lady cut it with much more layering so it doesn't just hang down. And, she cut the front at an angle so Sydney will look more like the girl in the movie twilight (Sydney's wish). Of course, I pointed out how that was going to make it harder to keep it all in a ponytail (my wish). I'll try to get a pic up soon. I spent all my time yesterday avoiding first day of school jitters by scrubbing the house. Hopefully, at around noon, I'll be able to get my mind off what and how she's doing and actually give the company some quality time, too.

Y'all take care and have a great Monday. See ya' round. Lane

My child has no friends...

And, it was sad to watch. And, I don't know what to do about it. And, I'm afraid that I'm already doing all I can. But, is it enough???

I took her to school yesterday for a getting ready session. I was supposed to be able to meet the teachers, but they were all out leading tours of the school and the teacher we hooked up with for our tour was from a different grade. But, we did get to walk to all her classrooms and practice opening her locker and help the girl next to her learn to open her locker. And Sydney grumbled and used me like her personal pack mule the whole way. That part was normal. All the other tweens whose parents were there with them were grumbling and telling their parents to stand in the background, too. It was very normal. Don't talk, don't embarass me, don't show any interest, don't, don't, don't.

But, the kids that we saw from last year were there, and they didn't talk to her. They didn't look her in the face. They were bunching up in little cliques, with their parents standing on the sidelines watching with that bored parental look on their faces, just like they had been grumbled at to do. But, when Sydney saw other kids, they just walked on by. And, that was the nice kids. The meanest ones looked her in the eye and then turned their heads away...OUCH!

There was one girl that Sydney met at summer camp in June that tried to talk, and Sydney didn't have much to say to her and told me she didn't remember her name. There was one boy that Sydney called out to and the boy didn't hear her so didn't turn around (thank goodness). But, that was all the friendliness I observed in two hours of walking around.

As I'm writing this, I'm remembering the chaos that was going on. And, it was true chaos. It was the school's first time to do this and they were not prepared for the huge turnout. They didn't have things planned and it was 200 kids and their parents, often both parents, milling about with confused looks on their faces. In fact, we were probably some of the most ready because I had a plan to see each classroom and was willing to follow the tour guides and listen. Many of the parents didn't speak english, so they were lost on the tours and lost in the big school buildings, like the girl with the locker next to Sydney. Her parents didn't speak english, but they were very grateful that I helped and I know just enough spanish to be able to say I was glad to help when they thanked me, and the dad gave me a very grateful look and a thumbs up. Thumbs up is multi-lingual, I guess.

Last night, I went in her room with my knitting and watched TV with her. After about a half hour of very pointedly idle chatter, I brought up the whole friends thing and tried to talk about it. I emphasized how important friends are and explained that before she came to us, she changed schools every year and keeping friends wasn't that important cuz there was a new batch every year to choose from. But, here, she's going to be with these kids for a lot more years and she needed to learn to make and keep friends. And, she almost opened up, but then she shut down again. So, I just said I was here to talk about friendships if she needed someone, gave her a kiss on the top of her head and kept knitting.

As I'm writing, I'm seeing a glimmer of hope. Maybe Sydney just didn't want me to get involved. She knew that if she got into a conversation with one of the kids, I would NOT be standing in the shadows. I'd be in the middle of it. I am shameless. I can't stand on the sidelines like all those other parents were doing. I'm right there meeting the kids, which is how I knew so many from last year.

I hope that's the case. I hope that when I'm not there she'll talk to the kids. I hope that when all the parents aren't there, it will be better for her, but I'm afraid it won't be. I'm afraid she doesn't know how to make and keep friends. I'm afraid she triangulates them like she has tried so often to do with me and Rob, playing one against the other. But, we're adults and have been together 10 years and caught on to that early and defended ourselves. The kids are only 11 and don't have those defenses and could easily have fallen into those traps. We'll have to see. All she'd tell me was that there would be a whole new group of kids to choose friends from and I shouldn't worry about it. But, I do worry. I worry a lot. Probably too much. That's what it's like to be man-mom.

Okay, that's a glimpse into my life. I need to go so I can try to get to work a little early. Now that my boss has finished his big presentation, and gotten the feedback from the big guys, he has a list of stuff he wants me to work on as long as my arm. I spent an hour just filling in notes yesterday after he told me about the 9 things that need to be done right away. And, while I need to work on my computer this weekend, and while I want to sew some, too, I know I'm going to have to spend part of the weekend working. Hey, maybe I can work on two computers at once. One installing all the software I lost from the old hard drive and one working on stuff for the job. Can you see me sitting on the floor with a hand on each keyboard? Unfortunately, I can.

See ya'. I didn't get to any blog catching up yesterday, but I'm going to have to get started or I won't ever get caught up on what's going on with you guys. Hope you're all well. Take care. Lane

P.S. is it normal for parents to get the first day of school jitters? :-)