7/2/15

Overwhelmed

Not a quilting post, y'all.  More of a personal note. 

Oh, what the heck.  Here's a quilty picture, just so you can see I'm still sewing.


This pattern is called Barbed Wire, from the book Twosy-Foursy quilts.  It's made from bricks that are cut 2.5x4.5 and 2.5x6.5, so it's really easy.  I like the pattern so much that I'm making a second scrappy one out of red and beige and have plans for several more, to help me use up some scraps.  These will be simple Linus patterns that I can whip up pretty quick and donate.

Anyway, back to feeling overwhelmed.  I'm sure I'm not the first new groom to feel overwhelmed.  Or to think it's silly to feel that way.  Rob has sailed into married life like a ship cutting through fog.  Me, not so much.

Which is really weird since this makes no difference in our everyday life.  We've been together 15 years.  All we did was make our relationship legally recognized.  But, we still get up at the same time and go to the same jobs and eat dinner as a family and watch TV and go to sleep in the same bed at night.  Nothing has changed... except everything seems like it should have.

Maybe that's what is overwhelming me.  I kind of had this expectation that everything would be different after we married... and nothing is. 

I haven't told many people that I'm married.  I don't know why, but it feels kind of private at this point.  And, I'm not willing to risk having to murder someone for saying something disparaging.  And, I'm also pretty sure that's exactly what I'd try to do. 

So, I just keep it to myself.  There are a few very close friends that know.  But, only a few. 

Rob has told everyone.  He's the personable one... the one that keeps up with our social obligations and drags me away from the sewing machine to go do stuff with people.  Otherwise, I don't think I'd never walk away from the fabric.  So, for him, it's been easy.  His friends expected him to marry, and have come to him and asked if he did. 

I'm much more reserved with my friends and it just hasn't come up.  And, I haven't brought it up.  It's not like I'm ashamed.  I look down at my hand, frequently during the day and see that same ring that I've worn for about 12 years and think about how that ring has a new meaning. 

I'm just not ready to talk about that new meaning. 

Maybe it's because it's all too new and close to the surface, and I'm just not willing to bring it out to play. 

Or, maybe I'm just an introvert that's on unfamiliar social ground and not sure what to do.

Or, maybe I'm just being me, and this is how I handle being married, as a foregone conclusion, not a notable change, and I'm handling it that way... and wondering if that's right.  But, pretty sure it is because it feels comfortable.

Who knows.  But, I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter.  Because every day we get out of the same bed, and every night we get back into it... together.

Everybody have a great Thursday.  I think we're all going to be off tomorrow.  An extra day to spend with family. 

Now, that's something that feels right. 

Lane

8 comments:

pragmaticpatchwork.com said...

Love it! You go, happy introvert with a global audience of fawning readers! Better to have a shotgun wedding and feel overwhelmed afterwards than plan the perfect day for months and feel underwhelmed with the result. Take it just as you want: there is no set recipe in this game, I'm sure. You are doing just fine! How you manage to sew as well is even more impressive. Happy days adjusting! JJ
(To publish this, I had to 'select the pictures with pizza'! I am in Italy... so appropriate...)

lindaroo said...

You're pioneering new territory! All the feelings, all the responses, all the sames and differents are significant, and will probably take a long time to figure out. Your healthy, happy relationship is what counts, isn't it?
Between marriage equality, affordable health care, and the removal (of some, waiting for all) Confederate flags from government buildings, it's a good week to be an American. Won't it be fun to see 4th of July flags, and know they're flying for you!

lw said...

Nothing changed, but everything changed. You won't notice until tax time, and hopefully it'll be long decades before the important reasons show up: being legally entitled to care for each other no matter what happens. To make decisions for each other.

Beyond that I think it may be psychologically important to have that party and say your vows in front of family and friends. To declare to the non-virtual world that your commitment to each other is forever. As married partners.

Anonymous said...

It's a funny old thing…thinking! My what-the…. moment was when I had my daughter and I realised that i had a wee person to look after for the rest of my (and her) life. It seemed overwhelming for a while, but I suppose we all adapted to it and 28 years later we are used to it somewhat. Like you, I am the quiet one in the relationship. My other half loves people and has to drag me out the sewing room and the house to interact with other people (outside of work). I am still a bit the same, and so is he. The main thing is that we knew that we were in it for the long haul, as are you and your man. I wish you all the luck and good health that you can have. Get on with it and make it work, for better and for worse…...

Kate said...

oh my dear, just ride through it... you are just in uncharted territory... but remember all of us have some of that about marriage - my DH and I lived together for 15 years - during that time we moved to a new town, and everyone thought we were married - and we didn't correct them. Then finally one day we DID get married, and then we couldn't tell anyone cause they would think we were misleading them before !! I put my ring in the nightstand drawer... What a mess... It must be ten times worse for you when you add in the whole 'will we ever be able to get married' - and then 'bam, we ARE'...and worrying about how people will react...

just know all is good... and let it be just that . . . good.
Happy Fourth

Anonymous said...

my husband is all over the neighborhood talking to people, and I am stuck in the house with chores. I'm an introvert too, so I shouldn't complain, but I thought retirement would be different. Similar to you. I don't get to sew a lot, as I am caregiver for our handicapped daughter. But I do get a lot of fun out of craft type stuff around the house.

Rebecca Grace said...

You know, one part of traditional marriage has always been that the couple stands up in front of their family and friends to exchange vows publicly, and then all of their loved ones get to celebrate with them. Didn't you say that you and Rob were planning to do that part later? I think that will help you feel more comfortable in your "marriage skin." And there's that added bonus that once all of those people have been to your wedding, you don't have to tell them that you're married because they already know -- and they probably got you a gift. :-) And you guys deserve a honeymoon, too. You got the legal part all squared away, but you still haven't done the celebrating.

Kath said...

I felt a similar way when I found out I was pregnant, after a failed first attempt. I just wanted to hug my secret to myself for a while before sharing it and somehow diluting the thrill.