Okay, am I the only one that occasionally wants to be somebody else? I want to be Matthew. Not the real Matthew, but the glamorous pretend Matthew that we see in the movies. Self-confident, beautiful, worshipped by all who see him, independently wealthy, and doing a job I love. That's who I want to be.
I think this is called a bad hair day, but what's it called when you're bald?
There's nothing wrong with my life, except I'm bored. Bored with my life, bored with my job, bored with the decisions I've made. Bored with being an accomodater. Bored with the unrealistic expectations others have of me. You know what I mean...my own level of self-pity. Tired of the tire that's grown around my middle, and my bald head, and my swollen eyes and pudgy fingers and sore knees and eyes that can't see without glasses. Tired of the fact I don't have a college degree and tired of being in this same job, doing the same thing and cleaning up the same people's messes day after day. Tired of having to prove I'm right when no one else seems to have to ever prove I'm wrong. Tired of my clothes and my car and the Texas heat.
I want to be blond and drive a convertible and look just as good when I don't shave for a week. I want to laze around my private pool and have a staff that keeps my house spotless, and a gardener that raises organic food for me to eat and be a vegetarian. I want it to rain every day from 4 to 4:45 to cool down the earth and bring new bloom to the flowers. I want a cool breeze that blows all the time and trees with big leaves that rustle in the wind.
And, I want to be surrounded by people that accomodate me for a change. I want them to bring me ice cream that doesn't make me fat and lemonade that's just that perfect match of sweet and tart, and I want bulging muscles that I don't have to work for.
I want a nap.
But, I'm going to have to settle for my MP3 player and listening to soft music while I plug away at the things that give me enough money to keep us all fed and a roof over our heads, and only doing enough chores to keep us healthy and clean. I'm going to have to worry about my old dogs, and the fact that I didn't thaw anything for dinner, and the price of gas and groceries and electricity and what's going to happen when I need a new water heater.
But, jeez, I'd like to be Matthew.
Take care and I hope you haven't been so overwhelmed by the hum-drumity of life that you've lost the ability to dream that you're someone else. Those dreams are often what keeps us going through the things we have to do; and I hope you still have them, like me. Because as Scarlett said, "Tomorrow is another day" and I'll have to drag myself out of bed and start over and do the same thing then that I'm going to do today. That's what real life is...doing what you have to do, cuz that's what you choose to do and it's what I secretly love. But, don't tell Matthew cuz he probably secretly wants to be me...