I'm sure I am not the only one that has this memory. I'm very young and have just jumped into the water and am deep. I can't see around me, either because I'm afraid to open my eyes or because the water is dark. And, I can't figure out which way is up.
That's how I've been feeling about my conflicting feelings. If I let my sad feelings show, I feel disloyal to the great man that is in my life now. If I don't let my sad feelings show, I feel disloyal to the memories and love from the past.
Fortunately, I have the greatest man in the world now and he knows that I'm having feelings and he isn't in any way threatened by them and is ready for me to let them show. But still, like an itch under the skin, I feel like I'm going to be disloyal to somebody, no matter what I do. Even though that only exists in my head. And, I know it only exists in my head.
So, you wanna know how I survived the water? Well, I thrashed around for a minute and panicked and then I just relaxed and went still. The air in my lungs floated me up toward the surface and then I knew which way to go.
I think being relaxed and still is the best way to figure out which way to go today, too.
Thanks for all your kind words and wishes and thoughts yesterday. When the numbness wears off, I'm going to be sure and read them again.
Oh, and Sara emailed me that she is going to make a kosher version of the breadroll. Sara, I hope you'll share the recipe.
Everyone take care. Wish I was quilting! Lane