How do I give advice to a child that is having the same problem fitting in that I do?
There was a huge amount of conflict at basketball practice yesterday; the result of a week of feedback that she’s being bossy, and when she gets that feedback, she’s being rude.
Yesterday, I had a meeting with a lady that I had made angry because she kept ignoring the problem I was asking her to solve and saying “my team just did what they were told”. Okay. That’s great. But, what you were told was clearly wrong. When I got that blunt, she didn’t like it. Didn’t matter that my original goal was an agreement that “hey, that doesn’t make sense (which she freely admitted). I think we should change it.”
Both resulted in the same outcome; having to talk to somebody that’s mad and/or defensive. My advice? Lead with an apology. Worked for me yesterday and I told that story to Sydney so she could see that it worked yesterday. Since she was staring off into the corner of the ceiling, she could have been listening to my story…or she might have been saying the pledge of allegiance over and over in her head. Who knows.
But, that doesn’t keep it from being sound advice given. Whether she can take it or not is up to her. The really sad thing is how long it took me to learn that lesson so I could give that advice. No one will more freely acknowledge that there is a reason this child was matched with this adult or that a higher power had something to do with it. I’ve said it before; she and I could not be more alike if we were genetically related.
My other piece of advice? Deal with it while you are young because a reputation of “doesn’t play well with others” doesn’t end with childhood and can ruin a career, no matter how smart you are.
Remember yesterday, I was talking about getting out among people? Well, seems like this weekend, we’re gonna make up for it. Tonight, I’ll be keeping score at the basketball game. After that, we are having dinner with Rob’s best friend and his wife. And, tomorrow, we’re taking LD to lunch.
The thought of it all makes me quesy.
But, knowing that I am one bad smell away from being a cave dwelling hermit, and not wanting that to progress, actually getting out and among people is the only possible solution. No matter how much it hurts.
And, all because I’m afraid they’ll judge something I say or do. I’ve let myself get so paranoid. I’ve let a few people tell me so often that what I do is not right and not good enough that I’m starting to believe it. I don’t sit at table with other people judging whether they have broccoli in their teeth. But, I sure as heck will judge myself and be embarassed if it happens to me. Too much inner judgment is a very bad thing. Too much looking inside and not enough looking outside is a very very bad thing.
And, speaking of doing things with other people, I got six more blocks made for Barb and my “I spy” quilts.
41 left to go. Most important lesson learned so far? Let go of matching. Donation quilt. Will not be judged.
Ooooh, just realized how close that sounds to the preceding section.
It’s Friday. I am tired. I am glad this week is ending and I hope to balance some of this “among the people” time with a good old fashioned nap.
Be well. Have fun. Be nice to somebody. Get out among, even if you just talk to one person.