Writing through the frustration

I wrote yesterday about my frustration with my Mom. Then, I took it out. Today, I've written two posts and both of them ended up being about my frustration with my Mom, despite the fact I tried to keep that out of them. So, I'm going to write a short blog and move on with my "fun day" with Sydney. But, it's also important to me that I keep this positive. I refuse to get bogged down in years of hurt feelings and let that ruin a day that I can spend with my daughter, trying not to pass along those same frustrations to another generation.

Since I got up this morning, I've been working on my Indian Orange Peel quilt. I've made several sections and hope to make some more before the stores and movie theaters open. I've also posted some pictures of finished quilts to the manquilters website.

Ya' know, quilting and being with my little family and friends, both live and net, give me so much pleasure. It just frustrates me that a planned visit from my Mom can throw everything into such chaos. There are years of hurt feelings that play into that. And, despite the distance I've put between she and I, a phone call, a letter, an email, a visit, all these just bring all that back up for me. I just can't deal with the level of control that she tries to exert over me when we interact. Surely, at some point, I'll become her equal and receive the consideration I so deserve and demand from everyone...but I'm afraid that it will be too late by then to have the kind of relationship I want with her.

So, I'll just keep on quilting, and I'll keep on working on my parenting skills and being the best parent I can be, and protecting myself and my family from those that want to bring us chaos.

I'm going to celebrate my successes by posting an updated picture of my Indian Orange Peel quilt. This is going to take a long time to finish, but oh, my, is it ever going to be worth it. It's the most complex piecing I've ever done so I'm glad that there's no fabric matching. Just pile the strips in a box and pull two at random and make a section. Love that! Take care and have a great Friday and if I don't post again, have a great 4th of July. We're shopping for clothes and I hope we'll be able to fit in a movie and some popcorn to stay out of the heat. Lane


Becky said...

Lane, my mom was a control freak. She never thought I was capable of any decision out of her oversight.
I remember I was 30+ years old, had two children, aged 5 and 3, it was snowing at our house, she phoned and asked if the kids were playing outside and wanted to know if I had put coats and hats on them. Whaaaaaaat!! That isn't a major thing, but shows the detail that she thought she should dictate my life. Hang in there.... have a great day with Sydney and get some cute clothes! BTW, still loving this orange peel thing!!! Fabulous.

Hazel said...

You post brought back memories of my mom ,not good ones unfortunately . I won't go into it but a good friend told me " no one can hurt you unless you allow it " I dried my tears and that was the last time I allowed my mom to hurt me .All anyone has to do is look at how far Sydney has come since she has been with you , to know what a good parent you are trying to be . I say trying because that's all any parent can do, is try .Feel better and go out and enjoy your day .

MaryMM said...

Have a great day and a happy safe 4th. We are headed out for a fun day of shopping and whatever, also. MaryMM

Lisa D. said...

Wow, that Indian Orange Peel is fabulous! I finished one that took me 7 years (only because I had to put it away midstream). It's so special I don't even want to send it out to be quilted because I put so much heart and soul into it!

Vesuviusmama said...

The Orange Peel quilt is going to be fabulous! How great that you don't have to think about color placement when you have to pay such close attention to the piecing. I'm glad you are able to sew to soothe away some of the anger, hurt and frustration.

Barb said...

That is totally amazing....love the quilt squares, you do precise work.