Digging out

WOW!  Two days after Christmas and I’m finally stopping long enough to look at my computer and answer some emails.

The holidays are hard for me.  I was taught to weigh and measure gifts so the season of gift giving is especially difficult.  Will it be enough?  Will they reject it?  Is my gift of like kind and quality to the gift I received?  And Rob, God love him, the giving season is all about the pleasure he gets from giving gifts.  He is much less worried about receiving, so that should make it easy, except I’m plagued by worrying that he’ll be disappointed.  And, plagued by the knowledge that’s not how I want to feel.  And, worried that I should be doing something about it.  But, unlike the past, I’m not this year. 

This year, I recognized what I was feeling and while I couldn’t turn it off, like a lamp, I could keep those feelings in check and, as my motto says, fake it ‘til you feel it.  I did a good job of it, too.  I’d go through exercises like:  If I was feeling peaceful, what would I be doing?  I’d be here, with the family, all together, but each enjoying their own thing.  And, once I knew what it was that I needed to feel peaceful, I was able to make that happen around me.  No stress, no demands, no expectations.  Peace and joy.

Rob enjoyed his new TV.  We’ve watched 3-D movies and regular movies in 3D and action movies on a huge screen and scale.  And, he’s reorganized his media cabinet to include his turn table and has enjoyed going back through some of his old fashioned LP disks, enjoying the early music of Ann Murray and Madonna…he has very varied tastes. 

Sydney got a new laptop and she’s had her head buried in that.  Not as much as I expected, or as much as I’d expect from most 15 year olds, but enough that I’ve gotten to enjoy some time in the sewing room and have had to ask a couple of times why she’s being so nice to me. 

After Rob got his TV, we moved the old family room TV into the sewing room.  I was worried that it was too big, but I’ve gotten used to it.  To do something like that means moving a ton of stuff out of the way and while it was out of the way, I used the time to do some organization that freed up some space.  And, then I cluttered it completely up in a last ditch effort to finish those last minute gifts and UFO’s that I was tired of tripping over. 

I’ll leave you with some images from the day. 

Stockings

Morning decadent breakfast and coffee.  This was some yummy monkey bread or pull apart break or bubble bread, whatever it’s called where you are.

And, Lane playing with his new toaster oven.

And, about as much of Syd’s face as I’ve seen since.

That’s it for us.  Today is split evenly between starting my new apron (I finally got to open that box from fabric.com) and catching up on blogs and whatever else I can find to get me in trouble without having to leave home.

Brrrrrr, it’s cold outside, even in Texas.

I didn’t really go into it a lot here, but want you guys to know that if you’re feeling low this time of year, if gift receiving is as hard for you as it is for me, know that you aren’t alone and even though we’ve been taught not to talk about it this time of year, when everyone is supposed to be happy and gay…okay, maybe not so gay, but happy anyway…it’s okay to feel a bit outside of what is going on for other people.  It’s okay to let the merry-go-round spin a few times while we watch from the sidelines.  Then, we can decide when we want to get on…and when we want to sit on the sidelines some more.  We don’t all always feel what people expect us to feel, especially at the holidays, and while we don’t have to ruin their fun, it’s okay to just watch it for a while, too.

Be well and have a great Weds…ugh, Thursday…my days are all mixed up.  I’m not used to this lack of structure.  I’m not eating right, I’m sleeping a whole lot and I’m enjoying my days off work. 

But, at some point, I’m going to have to wash dishes.

Lane