Quilting away

In addition to all the other stuff I did over the weekend, I also got this quilt pin basted and about 3/4 of the quilting is done. The center is quilted as are the small ships on three sides. That still leaves three ships and all the sashing work and the 4 mariner's compasses.

The quilting on this one is simple and it's big, so it goes very quickly. Just a bit of outlining on the clouds, some waves in the water and outlining the sails. Then, I come back with a brown thread and do a few lines through the ship's hull and outline it.

I've written the instructions for the center and the small ships. I just need to figure out how I made the corner ships...d'oh! I have the paper piecing pattern for the compasses. Now, it's just adding a bit of instruction about them and I'll be ready to send the pattern out. I have a few requests, but if you're interested, leave a comment or send an email and I'll send them on in a week or so.


We are at a wierd place at our house. Rob has a 6th sense about when it's time to read the texts in the kid's phone and he always seems to know when she's secretly using a restricted electronic device. She's on restrictions for grades right now. She's had an out with her best friend. Rob and I are working on some stuff. And, at work, I'm busy as a cat trying to cover poop on a tin roof. Whew! Somebody pour me a drink.

We're trying something new with the kid. We're not asking questions. We're not giving her a chance to respond or defend or explain. Expecting those things just leads to frustration for us. So, the new tack is to just talk to her. We know she's listening. So, this morning I talked to her about how hard it was for me to make friends when I was a kid.

I didn't keep friends well, and like her, I thought of friends as something you could replace easily. There was a small group of us that lived on the same street when we were little and we could fuss and argue and the next day, be friends again. But, as I grew older and my group of friends got bigger, I found that other people didn't put up with my crap so much. And, they weren't as willing to get over it as that first group of friends.

I was always better with adults than kids. Adults were more open to me sucking up than kids were. And, I was really good at it. I could deliver bad news as the long suffering unfortunate, tasked with delivering bad news..."Mrs X, I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but little Johnny was playing in the street...again. I tried to stop him (whether I really had or not) but there just wasn't anything I could do". And, then I'd sit back all smug while little Johnny got the tar whipped out of him, tsk-ing like an old lady. People don't like it when you don't keep a secret. And, I was terrible at keeping a secret when I could use that information to further myself, especially in the eyes of an adult.

Sydney's issues are different, but much the same. It's funny how much I have in common with this child. If I had raised her since birth, we couldn't be more alike.

So, I shared how it was for me when I was a kid and what it was like when I ran out of people to befriend, and how it affected me as an adult, and how hard it was to make friends as an adult and about the friends I made because I eventually became desparate for friends and how those friends treated me. I was concise and direct. And, I ignored all the things she tried to do to distract me by pissing me off, like crossing her arms and whispering "whatever" and looking off into space. I just kept talking about me, and looking off into the distance, paying as little attention to her as possible.

I can't help but believe that she heard what I said and I can't help but believe that she will think about it later. There's so little I can do for her on this front. I can't make her be nice to people. I can't make her keep her friends and protect those relationships. All I can do is tell her what it was like for me and hope that she takes it to heart.

It's not a manual for raising children, but my past is the closest thing I've got to instructions; what not to do, how not to be, what not to give up on. Sometimes what worked well and a lot of what I could do better. And, a whole lot of showing her that I can change. Because, if I can't make my life better, then how can she expect to make hers better? She needs to see that change can work and that old dogs can learn new tricks if they want to...never too late.

That's it for me. I'm staying busy, staying relaxed, keeping my head in the game, coach. And, taking responsibility for what's mine and not taking action on the stuff that's not mine.

Life could be better, but I'm not sure how.



Becky said...

I had one that had difficulty keeping friends...he wanted "perfect" friends. Once someone did something he didn't like he dropped them like a hot potato. We had to go through the whole coaching thing then, too. Hang in there.

oldbatt said...

Wow - I had to check and see if it was Wed. Oh how I hate the whole friends thing with girls! It was horrible for me and now for my daughter. The girls I used to play with were 2 years younger and every summer they would tell me I was too old for them and I finally caught on and didn't care anymore then they wanted me back. I tell my daughter all the time that the good friends I have now did NOT come from childhood and even though it's nice to have friends she has to remember that as you go through life you will meet more people and one good friend is better than 10 so/so friends. It's such a struggle with girls. Good luck Lane - you are doing a great job! Lisa

Lisa said...

Ohmigosh ... you two are singing my song. Both of ya. Isn't it funny how life is a dance with essentially the same steps for everybody regardless of where & how you live? I don't think I did nearly as good a job as you're doing on the parenting side with my oldest step-daughter - too much pain / work / growth on my part during those years - but today that relationship is really good. It's amazing! Just keep talking ... through "Whatever" ;>