Self indulgence vs self care

Every once in a while, the universe reminds me that self indulgence is not the same thing as self care. Or, maybe what I mean is that self indulgence is only part of the bigger picture of self care. But, you can't self care just by being self indulgent. You need other things to self care (in addition to some self indulgence).

Okay, if your head is swimming after that paragraph, then you know exactly how I've been feeling for at least a week.

Here's how it started.

This thought: I should be taking better care of myself. Eat well. Work out. Be retrospective. Mostly, I need to work out. Working out is the secret to handling frustration and anger for me.

Second thought: How can I take better care of myself. I already spend every spare minute doing what I want to do.

And, that's where I sat for several months.

Yes, I was spending every spare minute being self indulgent. But, I was sewing or knitting, or crocheting. Not walking. Not doing yoga. Not getting any exercise. I had become three dimensional. Family. Crafting. Work. (I gladly insert "In that order".)

Here's the story. I had put all my self care eggs in one basket. I was walking every day. And subsequent to that, dieting and meditating and recharging. Over time, something happened to my feet. The more I walked, the more they hurt. And, not just during my morning walks. The more I walked in the morning, the harder it was to get out of my office chair and walk during the day. Heaven forbid that I do anything barefoot because if I stand too long without shoes, my feet will hurt for three days.

Yes, I have to take that to the doctor. And yes, even taking it to the doctor is an example of self care. And, no I haven't done it yet, even though my feet have been bothering me for over a year. I thought that if I rested, things would get better. And, it was true. They did get better. As long as I wear shoes and don't walk a whole lot. I let my sore feet separate me from a whole lot of my self care.

But, I was self indulgent as all get out. I made quilts, I made afghans, I made a roman shade, I painted part of the kitchen, I made socks and a wool coat. You name it. If I could use it to indulge myself in my favorite passtimes, I did it.

Now, a bit of that was stressful self indulgence over that mouth surgery I had and a whole lot of it was stressful self indulgence about work. And, everybody knows that having a 13 year old in the house is stressful.

But, a whole lot of it was letting self indulgence trump self care.

I guess this post is just to reaffirm that I also need self care. And, the first step of any journey is always the hardest...especially if you're trying to get back on a horse you recently fell off of. (how's that for mixing metaphors?) Yesterday and today, I had a nice preliminary yoga workout. Just some stretching and some balance work. No program or structure. Just stretch a muscle, use a muscle, free form work. With a bit of soft jazz in the background and a 5 minute meditation at the end.

But, it has done wonders for my mental well being. Just knowing that I'm doing something...anything...to take care of me. Not to indulge me, but to take care of me. It will rarely be what I want to do. I'd rather be crafting. But it is what I need to do. And, over time, it will become what I enjoy doing again.

But for today, I'm sore. In a good way. And, I'm sooo relaxed. Yes, I took some time to indulge in some sewing this morning. But I also took some time to take care of me.

Now, you take care of you, however you do that best.

Have a great Tuesday. Lane