Couple weeks ago, I posted about the difference between self indulgence and self care for me. I am trying to take care of some self care stuff that I've been putting off for a while. This week has been all about surrendering to my current situation and then accepting that I can make changes.

Monday, in counseling, my whole theme was taking control. Taking more control of my retirement savings. Taking more control of my health. Taking more control of my medications. Taking more control of my body.

Half of that is surrendering to where I am right now. Accepting that I'm not really in control of things the way they are. Accepting that what I thought might have been the right decision in the past, might not be the right decision anymore. And, accepting that I made what I thought were the right decisions, so there's no need to beat myself up about it.

It's not about right or wrong. It's about what I did yesterday, what I'm doing today, and what I'm going to do tomorrow.

So, the whole taking more control of my body one is pretty inocuous and I can talk about that without putting too much out there. I gave up working out because my feet hurt. I thought I had injured myself and that if I just rested, it would get better, and I could get back to it. It did get better, but only in so much as I stayed off my feet. If I was on my feet too long, the pain came back. That's yesterday. Today, I'm doing yoga. I can get a full, sweaty workout from yoga, if I want it, or just some simple stretching and relaxing if I want it. And, while lots of parts of my body hurt after yoga, my feet do not. I'm also going to talk about my feet with the doctor after vacation when I get my cholesterol checked. That's in the future. Yesterday, today, tomorrow.

Wasn't wrong of me to give up my power walks. The decision was a good one at the time. But, it did prove harder to get re-started with a workout routine than I expected after several months of resting. Still, not right or wrong. Just what is. I surrender to what is so that I can change it. I accept that I don't need to evaluate past decisions on the scale of right/wrong. And, that gives me power to do something different now.

So, I've blogged about singing a lot lately. This morning, it was a great church song from childhood that inspired the title and theme of this post. I can remember it so clearly. It was usually reserved for the end of church service when the minister was standing in front in case anyone felt inspired to come down for a quiet chat or confession or conversion or recommitment.

The ladies would sing: I surrender all
And, the men would echo in bass: I surrender all
And, the ladies would repeat: I surrender all
And, the men would echo again: I surrender all
And, all together, in a crescendo: All to Jesus, I surrender, I surrender all.

Funny how all those religious images have stuck in my mind, and today, shape what goes on in my mind when I'm not really thinking about anything. While this song was playing in the background of my mind and my post was taking shape, my hands were watering the flowerbed.

I get that same inspiration from quilting.

Take care and have a great Wednesday. I packed my sewing stuff this morning and the pile is smaller than even I expected. Hmmm. Plenty of space. But, I have to remember...

"This space reserved for future purchases." Whoohoo!!



Paul said...

That is one of my FAVORITE old hymns.

Thanks for the reminder of how to put it into practice, not only in the spiritual sense, but in the everyday, "got to get through this thing we call life" sense.

Did I just reference an old Spiritual Hymn and Prince in the same comment? Yup. I sure did.


andsewon said...

Thanks for this post today Lane. I am so here right now.

Half of that is surrendering to where I am right now. Accepting that I'm not really in control of things the way they are. Accepting that what I thought might have been the right decision in the past, might not be the right decision anymore. And, accepting that I made what I thought were the right decisions, so there's no need to beat myself up about it.

July has been a rough month and looks like Aug will follow suit! But I too am trying to accept my past decisions and deal with the right now!
Wishing you a wonderful fun vacation time. You work hard and deserve it!
Yes you do!

Vesuviusmama said...

I like the idea of not evaluating past decisions as right/wrong and not beating yourself up - I do that a lot. And do leave lots of room for purchases!

Elizabeth said...

I think that you and I fight a lot of the same battles with ourselves. I'm not brave enough to put it out there, though, even just a little bit. I find those parts of myself that I struggle with vile and repulsive and wonder why the stronger parts of me can't make up for the weaker parts.

I have a fascination with words and how they can be assembled to express what I cannot. I found this quote the other day and it is something I'm trying to work on.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer." –Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

xo -E

lw said...

Lane-- have you considered seeing a podiatrist and getting orthotics? My feet used to hurt too bad to walk, so I bought orthotics and I haven't had foot pain in about two years.

Lee Ann said...

The last sentence,

"This space reserved for future purchases." Whoohoo!!

made me laugh!

I had foot pain years ago. I love going barefoot; but, at that time, wearing sneakers alleviated the pain even while sitting. So, I ended up wearing sneakers ALL the time. Come a year or so later, The pain gradually went away. I eventually got over the fear of going sneakerless and I now can go barefoot. In fact, I'm barefoot now and prefer it over wearing shoes. :-)

Glenn Dragone said...

Vacation is sometimes the greatest form of healing. Remember to take time for yourself. I find that doing "nothing" can be my most productive time. Relax and enjoy!

Anonymous said...

I think it is just peaceful meditation which I do a lot of to try to keep life stress under control-works wonders.
I second investigating the shoe situation. Men tend to not be shoe collectors like a lot of women and just wear the same type and brand alwaus. I have lots more foot trouble as I age and I wear a lot of sneakers with good orthotics, birkenstocks even for houseshoes, and better quality shoes(merrel and born) when not in the sneakers otherwise my feet hurt. Your feet may be complaining about your shoe choices. Just because they are the same you always had doesn't mean anything. I could wear any brand even cheapies when I was younger but not anymore.When your feet hurt you can't do anything but sit around and be miserable so hope you get this resolved. mssewcrazy