Surrender

Couple weeks ago, I posted about the difference between self indulgence and self care for me. I am trying to take care of some self care stuff that I've been putting off for a while. This week has been all about surrendering to my current situation and then accepting that I can make changes.

Monday, in counseling, my whole theme was taking control. Taking more control of my retirement savings. Taking more control of my health. Taking more control of my medications. Taking more control of my body.

Half of that is surrendering to where I am right now. Accepting that I'm not really in control of things the way they are. Accepting that what I thought might have been the right decision in the past, might not be the right decision anymore. And, accepting that I made what I thought were the right decisions, so there's no need to beat myself up about it.

It's not about right or wrong. It's about what I did yesterday, what I'm doing today, and what I'm going to do tomorrow.

So, the whole taking more control of my body one is pretty inocuous and I can talk about that without putting too much out there. I gave up working out because my feet hurt. I thought I had injured myself and that if I just rested, it would get better, and I could get back to it. It did get better, but only in so much as I stayed off my feet. If I was on my feet too long, the pain came back. That's yesterday. Today, I'm doing yoga. I can get a full, sweaty workout from yoga, if I want it, or just some simple stretching and relaxing if I want it. And, while lots of parts of my body hurt after yoga, my feet do not. I'm also going to talk about my feet with the doctor after vacation when I get my cholesterol checked. That's in the future. Yesterday, today, tomorrow.

Wasn't wrong of me to give up my power walks. The decision was a good one at the time. But, it did prove harder to get re-started with a workout routine than I expected after several months of resting. Still, not right or wrong. Just what is. I surrender to what is so that I can change it. I accept that I don't need to evaluate past decisions on the scale of right/wrong. And, that gives me power to do something different now.

So, I've blogged about singing a lot lately. This morning, it was a great church song from childhood that inspired the title and theme of this post. I can remember it so clearly. It was usually reserved for the end of church service when the minister was standing in front in case anyone felt inspired to come down for a quiet chat or confession or conversion or recommitment.

The ladies would sing: I surrender all
And, the men would echo in bass: I surrender all
And, the ladies would repeat: I surrender all
And, the men would echo again: I surrender all
And, all together, in a crescendo: All to Jesus, I surrender, I surrender all.

Funny how all those religious images have stuck in my mind, and today, shape what goes on in my mind when I'm not really thinking about anything. While this song was playing in the background of my mind and my post was taking shape, my hands were watering the flowerbed.

I get that same inspiration from quilting.

Take care and have a great Wednesday. I packed my sewing stuff this morning and the pile is smaller than even I expected. Hmmm. Plenty of space. But, I have to remember...

"This space reserved for future purchases." Whoohoo!!

Lane