This weekend was the wierdest emotional roller coaster!
I can't always tell where my anger comes from. This weekend, it was definitely all about me being angry at me. Me. Being mad at me. For being me.
For needing to rescue every cracked and chipped and broken thing and try to give it a second life. Holding onto it and trying to glue the bits back together. Cramming every space up with useless junk. Gotta keep it all. The guy with the most crap wins.
And, at some point, that just cracks wide open. And, when it does, I start throwing junk. Get rid of it, reduce it to small enough that it can go in the trash. Why am I keeping it? Why did I buy it? Why is it in my way? Why was I willing to move it 37 times over the summer because every where I went, there was my crap. In the way.
And, now it's gone. Went out with the trash this morning.
Well, at least a little bit of it. Everything I could cram into one weekly trash pickup.
But, you know what? That trash truck comes by every week. And, I've got more stuff that needs to GO!
Is this a leftover of fall cleaning?
Poor Rob and Sydney. When I get like this, they just stay out of the way and do their best to smile. And, I do my best to stay away from them because I am very volatile and prone to snapping things I mean to just say.
This, too, shall pass. But, in the meantime, if I could just get to my clothes closet while I'm in this mood. I mean, really, if I haven't worn it in two years, I'm probably never going to wear it again. Am I the only one that tells myself those jeans will fit again?
I know this is some emotional baggage about letting stuff go. Letting go of the broken and the memories. Looking backward instead of forward. Having to get angry to get things done. All this is buried deep down. Or, maybe it's brain chemicals. Or, maybe just the full moon.
Anyway, wish I could keep the letting stuff go part without the getting mad at myself for having it part. Ain't it the way, tho.
Confusious say: "Emotions, like coins, come with two sides."
Oh, and while I'm griping, what's up with not being able to see my glasses? I dropped them in the yard on Saturday and had to go get Sydney to come out and help me find them. That is just old age making fun of me and I don't like it. ;-)
Take care and have a great Monday. Lane