I am fast approaching the end of a long and hard day and I have to tell you, I am tempted to go home and go straight to bed so it can end that much faster.
I know it's just because I am exhausted. We wore ourselves out trying to get moved back into the house yesterday afternoon and we got most of it done, but not all. There are still three significant pieces of furniture in the garage and even what has come in is not all "in place" yet.
And, last night was my fear of flying night. I have one before I fly. Every time. And, I don't understand it. Rationally, I am not afraid to fly. I haven't been since I thought about how many hours my boss spends in the air and he hasn't crashed yet, so what are the chances that I will. But, still, this happens every time. I just get dozed off and into that sleepy land and then I sit up straight, sweating and terrified from a falling dream...falling from thirty thousand feet. And, envisioning scenes from the movie Air Force One where people fall out of the back of the plane without parachutes, screaming as they free fall. And, that's my nightmare. And, it took about an hour to talk myself down and get back to sleep. But, I woke this morning, hardly remembering any of it. At least it only happens once anymore, and now it's behind me, so now I can start preparing for the trip instead of dreading the nightmare.
Good thing I'm not always this tired. If you've read me for a while, then you know that I don't do this often. But, it's amazing how much better I feel, just getting it off my chest.
Free therapy!!
Lane
p.s. And, now that I'm home, I'm starting to think that maybe I'm coming down with something. That would suck. But, it would explain a lot.
l
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5 comments:
For many of us verbalizing our fears helps us to rationalize and dismiss them. Drs. in little white coats make big bucks getting people to talk. Dreams are just that. Dreams! But they do stir our emotions and upset out balance. I hate nightmares, but love some happy dreams. After a bad dream, I go empty the bladder, turn over and can usually forget the whole thing. Chalk your nightmare up to being too tired and that's probably the real cause. Even though we've never met, I'm happy for what you contribute to my life.
Hi Lane: I am also a fearful flyer. Several nights before a trip, I can't sleep, don't eat well. By the time I get to the airport, I'm a basket case. I spend a good portion of wait time at the airport in the bathroom. It is NOT pretty. I now say that I have an allergy to jet fuel!! But...I have found Xanax. I don't like taking drugs usually, but let me tell you, it has changed my flying life. I now can actually get on the plane. I can now go down the jetway w/out freaking out. I take 1/2 one right after I fasten my seat belt; I take the other 1/2 as we back away from the gate. By the time we're up, I'm OK. If things are bumpy on the way up, I take another 1/2. If the flight is smooth, i MIGHT be able to sleep. Then we land and as soon as the wheels hit the tarmac I thank God above that it's over. But for me, it's the only way to Hawaii or Paris so I gotta do it. Go for it!
I'm so sorry you don't like to fly. I have always loved it, but especially before the airlines got so tight and stingy! Gone are the days of real meals, with real silverware, and stewardesses that would bring you pillows or blankets! Gone are the days when flights weren't packed full, and you could put the armrest up and spread out! I'm sure 1st class is still like that, but I'm not getting a second mortgage just to take a flight!
Hopefully you can enjoy the flight, since you've already had your freak-out dream. I have freak-out dreams, too, but they are always of me riding a skateboard, that goes off onto railroad tracks, that turn into roller coaster tracks, and that have huge missing parts where I'm having to jump the tracks and make it back on! Yeah, it's a freak-out.....and I've never been on a skateboard! What the hell!?!
I charge 140 an hour for therapy so you're lucky I read this post fast. I'll send you my bill!
I think many of us have those sorts of thoughts before flying . Perhaps not as extreme as yours but the thought lurks just the same.But if we allowed fear to take over we'd never do anything in life.
Hope you get the house sorted soon. It drives me nuts when things are out of place (need I remind you of the kitchen remodel ???)
And go easy on yourself - you've had a stressful few days .
Lane - as a regular reader of your blog(but infrequent commenter), I would characterise you as someone who has very high expectations of yourself and works hard to achieve them. That can mean, however, that you're pretty hard on yourself. You don't seem willing to acknowledge the stressful nature of some of what you live with. The work involved in preparing to have the carpet laid, then dealing with the less-than-satisfactory first effort, then having the disruption of the whole house extended while the job was re-done, and then the work involved in moving everything back into the house all while the three of you are managing all the usual challenges of daily life is not to be ignored. Be gentle on yourself. Give yourself a bit more credit for what you've dealt with in the past month. Now that the process is coming to an end, it's no wonder that your body might allow itself a little 'down time'.
Megan
Sydney, Australia
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