A very non-quilty post...

for a quilt blog that is.

This one is all about me and what I'm feeling. So, if you're on the hunt for great quilting, come back tomorrow. I'm expecting to feel more like myself.

I had the most negative day yesterday. I guess it's only to be expected after a couple of weeks of manic feelings. And, I couldn't shake it.

First thing that happened was that I opened the newsletter from the LQS that asked me to teach and there was their class schedule. And, no me. There is a beginning quilting class, but nothing about more advanced machine quilting. And, they didn't contact me, even though I gave them at least two ways to contact me. I don't know. But, I feel that even if they decided not to have me teach the class, I should have heard something. It's been a couple of months. Anyway, I knew that there was a chance that they just weren't ready for what I have to offer. I was asking them to come out of their sewing machine store mentality and more into a quilt shop mentality. They've recently been bought out, but the staff stayed on and they're not really changing as much as I think they could. Their focus is really at the beginner level. Introductory classes. Anyway, no matter what, how logical, whatever reason, whether I was justified to feel it or not, my feelings were hurt.

And, then I had a team lunch with my peers and I sat on my side of the table and every time my mouth opened to speak, something negative came out. I felt like I was having an out of body experience and my mouth was saying things I was not in control of.

And, I was angry all afternoon. Fortunately, I was working on a document, so the rest of my afternoon was spent quietly. But when I opened it this morning to keep going, I had a few sentences I had to delete due to their "expressive" language.

When I got home, Sydney didn't even say hello and that was her first mistake. Because even though I was feeling pretty calm, I had gotten a notification of another grade that had fallen to an unacceptable level and when I opened her grades to check it out, there was another one, acceptable by just one point. That would make 4 and that's too many.

I did pretty good at that, tho. I did get angry and I did get a little bit loud, but not too much. And, after that initial outburst, talked to her and explained exactly what I was upset about and how discouraging it is to work as hard as I am right now and then open my personal email and first thing I see is notification of bad grades. She started out pretty begrudging on that and Rob came in and explained to her how I'd gone from being upset and loud to being very "discussing" and explaining and talking about my feelings. After that, she got into the spirit of it and for the rest of the night, there was just talking and laughing and Rob put on some funny TV and we all cheered for the contestants and laughed and had a good time.

So, today, I'm feeling better. Much more positive. Not quite so manic. But, I gotta tell you, I really like myself when I'm singing along with the TV and dancing while I cook supper and chatty and positive. But, that's a hard thing to measure up to every day. Day after damn day.

And, I guess that's why some days are good days and some days are bad days and the real test of which one you had yesterday is how it all ended, right? And, while mine was part bad, it both started and ended good, so I'm going to call it a good day. With a rough spot in the middle.

And, today, I'm working from home because I have an appt. this morning and they're coming to measure the house for carpet this afternoon (whooheeee!) Now if we can just pick a color.

My first home chore, tho was to get the black marks out of Sydney's white shirt. I can either accomplish that or I have to take her to buy another one and I'm just not feeling like clothes shopping after school this week. I found out day before yesterday she needed a dress by saturday for a concert and she tried her dress on and thank goodness, she's outgrown it. Secretly I never liked it. But, she did and that's what counts. So, she's wearing her black skirt and white blouse, which means I did some major stain fighting. I am ashamed of the concoction of chemicals I released down my drain this morning. We are very chemical conscious. But, I got the black marks out. Hah!

Have a great one. Lane