11/4/10

Someone help me understand

I made the mistake of reading news stories from my homepage yesterday. It seemed that every review of the elections had a segment about how LGBT rights and marriage equality rights affected the vote. I have to ask, have those things become so important that they rank up there with the economy and 10% unemployment in importance? And, if they are, why? And, are they sufficient for a group to spend money getting three Iowa judges voted off the bench, just because they thought marriage rights were bigger than gender.

I mean, why would anyone object to me marrying Rob? Does marriage give us some right that I'm not familiar with?

If it's the right to file joint tax returns, why would anyone care about that? From what I'm hearing, the marriage credit ain't so much to hop up and down about anymore, and more and more married couples are finding the advantage of filing separately.

If it's the right to visit one another in the hospital when a doctor says "family only", neither of our doctors is ever going to do that, such that it would forbid us visitation. We've already taken care of that by working with doctors we trust to understand who we are.

If it's the right for my property to pass to Rob without contest, why would it matter to anyone? I mean, I already took care of that, whether we're married or not, through a will. But, it's not like the people that would object to our marriage stand to inherit my stuff anyway. Is this why somebody would care?

If it's the right to marry in a church, you can forget about that. We feel so mistreated by churches that it's not likely that we're going there to formalize a relationship.

If it's that piece of paper that binds us legally together, why would anyone care about that? Some people have their own piece of paper and some people don't. It's not like the paper actually signifies a lifetime commitment or anything when the divorce rate among the people that get a piece of paper is 50%. If they are of so little value, who cares who has one?

Or is it that someone would object to seeing us as a married couple? I gotta tell you, that ship has sailed. We are the stereotypical old married couple. You wouldn't think we were gay to see us separately, but see us together and there's hardly ever any doubt.


And, anyone that objected to this being a family photo can count that ship as sailed, too. This little girl was tossed away, like a used tissue, by not one, not two, not even three, but four heterosexual families in the two years before she came to us. And, now she's part of a family...FOREVER. And, don't tell me I don't have the right to feed her and make sure she does good in school just because I'm gay, cuz her own heterosexual mother let her go hungry and let her get two years behind in her education. And, now she's an honor roll athlete. Neither hetero nor homo -sexuality did that. It was work and grief and arguing and never giving up. Anybody could have done it. But nobody else did except the gay couple that wanted her to have every chance that any other kid gets.


So, if you understand why this is so important, can you explain it to me? I can't think of anything that the right to marry is going to change for us, so why would anyone object? And, don't use the argument that "if you have all the benefits already, why do you need more?" cause I'll tell you, we've got the benefits, but they were expensive, and there's no reason why I should have to pay extra to have the same rights as anybody else.

I won't be reading any more news for a while. My feelings got a little hurt yesterday and I'm not going to let this affect my day today. Tonight is basketball and tomorrow is the girl's birthday. That's what's really important right now. Not who's going to Washington to do nothing. Maybe in a couple of years we'll be able to find people willing to go to Washington and do something. Til then, I'll spend my time on what's really important; and she's about to be 13.

Lane

19 comments:

lw said...

I don't understand it either. Unless a person is considering dating or marrying someone else, I don't see why their sexual preferences come into the picture.

If it helps, my vote is always with you; I'd love to see you and Rob have the legal right to marry.

Irene Onderweegs said...

I don't bother if somebody is gay, black, green or furry, just as I don't bother if you like tomatoes or not. It just is like a menu: tomatoes can be changed for cucumbers! Being Dutch, I think marriage is a great way to say: I love you to death till death do us part, and I will take responsibility to fight against people taking over your willpower, disregard your dignity, or blame you for loving me. Most of all: it helps to avoid taxes getting the bigger part of your inheritance, at least here in Holland. If you marry, send me a letter and I will be getting you a real wedding present! 8^}

Becky said...

I don't understand it either. I tend to stay away from the news also. There are so many people in this country that are afraid of other people. It makes me sad and scared for our future. I hope you and Rob have the right to marry legally soon. In the meantime, you have a beautiful family!

Sunshine said...

Hi Lane,

you'd probably have to start a new blog, something anti-gay, to get those readers that could explain to you WHY they oppose gay marriage - I'd say that those who follow and read your blog here are already in the pro-gay-rights or "I-don't-care-either-way" camp.
However, I do know someone who opposes gay marriage, and based on that person, my explanation is this: people oppose because they're ignorant, narrow-minded and detached from reality. This particular person once spouted in a discussion about gay rights (when it was a hot topic in Canada), that "what's next! People marrying animals?" I hardly knew what to say to that, because *where would I begin*??? To be honest, I'd probably not care if the lady next door wanted to marry her sheep (if it has a chance to give its informed consent), as long as I don't get pooped or stomped (i.e. physically harmed) waiting next to it in line at the check-out ;) I think you know what I mean. How does it possibly affect me who the person next door is married to? Ah, but I'm preaching to the choir of course...
Anyway, those 3 reasons listed above are what I think makes people oppose gay marriage. Oh, and those people who say you have all the rights, why need to marry officially? Well, why do heterosexual couples need to marry then? They could just live common-law and save all the money that goes into weddings and divorces. But that'd be an uproar if the whole institution of marriage was abolished. It's kind of what they do in school classes though - a few people screw up and make a fuss, everyone's right is revoked. It usually shuts up the trouble makers pretty quickly (though I don't condone that practice in all instances). Enough for now - obviously your post inspired quite a flow of ideas from me, thanks for the stimulation!

Cheers,
Christine

Leah Day said...

I'm absolutely disgusted by it all. I stopped listening to the news about 2 years ago when all anyone could talk about was how terrible the economy is and how it was the worst time in the world to do anything.

It's hard to believe so many people can be so stupid, selfish, and self centered to think they can somehow stop people from loving, living, and sharing a life together.

What the hell does it matter anyway? The world needs more love, more secure mature adults, and just like granting the rights for people of different ethnicity to marry, I know your right to marry will come one day too.

Here's to the future,

Leah

Shevvy said...

I've haven't taken much notice of your news over there this week, but then I'm not taking much notice of it over here either.

What I do feel though is that there there does seem a tendency when things are tough economically for societies to be a lot more divided and to target certain groups of people for more venom and spite.

What I don't know is if it is seen in the media reflecting the true mood of "the majority", the media stirring it up to make trouble and give "the majority" ideas or it is stirred up deliberately to distract "the majority" from the problems they are currently experiencing.

When things are going well and people are feeling confident and comfortably off they have a more liberal attitute, live and let live, I'm happy, let you be happy.

Sometimes though, I just think a lot of people are ugly inside and when the general mood is gloomy it gives them a lot more scope to share their uglyness around.

oldbatt said...

Lane, you know what my favorite line is (favorite is sarcastic in this sentence) - "people choose to be gay" to which I reply "that's like saying we 'choose' to be black or white!" Some people are really horrible but then I come to your blog and find the wonderful people. I agree with all the others - it mattered to me to have a piece of paper even though I had it all - it's just one of those things.

Turn off the news and enjoy your great family. You are all very lucky to have each other. Best, Lisa

ShelleyK said...

Hi Lane. Below is the link to the sermon from my church last Sunday (pre-election day, but was a response to the bullying of gay kids, but still relevant). As an fyi, we are a very diverse and inclusive church. I can verify there are SOME Christians that think you and Rob should get married! After reading what you blogged about today, I went and read the sermon - I wish I didn't skip church last weekend!

Warning: there is a lengthy section from a letter from a newspaper editor that churned my stomach when I read it. The message of the sermon gives me hope that some day being LGTB isn't going to be an "issue" (in life or in politics).
http://cpcaustin.org/Sermons/readSermon.php?sermonID=19161

Crunchy Diva said...

i'm with you i don't understand it either. i keep telling others including teaching my son who is 10 that it's about HUMAN rights not if someone was gay, straight, bi or what have you. i often try to keep away from the news as well.

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

What disgusts me is that the right for same sex couples to marry has become a political football. Surely that is a human right not something that should be a political debate or point scoring excersize.

When the issue is brought up in this country those who are pro-giving same sex couples the same rights that everyone else takes for granted are considered liberal in their thinking. Liberal? Surely those people just have their heads screwed on properly? Love is love right? Who would it hurt if gay people could marry? I dont understand the opposition.

It may interest you to know that our federal social security agency recently changed it's legislation to recognise same sex couples. However the governement wont further legally recognise them by sanctioning marriage for the same people. Obviously the welfare legislation decision was made as a fiscal one not a moral one because it has decided advantages for the government.

Have a happy birthday Ms. Sydney. 13 is a big deal!

Angie said...

Well said, from hetero-female---not that that should have any bearing whatsoever! I applaud you both for making the world a better place...especially for a certain 13-yr-old girl. :D Hope you all have a beautiful day.

Coloradolady said...

Lane, it is a sad state that the world is in. Everyone judges others according to their own beliefs or brainwashing as I like to call it. I seriously know people, several people in fact that believe everything that the preacher tells them at church on Sunday without even considering it right or wrong. Brainwashing.

I think politics have come to such a state of panic, they play havoc on these types of people for their support. It is sad. I don't think the government or anyone else for that matter has the right to tell anyone who they can and can not marry and live their life with. It is the narrow minded individuals that most likely feel uncomfortable with this issue because they are just ignorant or oppose something different than what they feel or live. It is a sad thing but reality.

I hope in the next few years, there will be changes to reverse this type of thinking. It starts at home, people need to teach their children that we are all different and that is OK...if someone is different from you, you need to learn something from them not belittle them, we all have something to offer and give. My daughters catholic school when she was small was so wonderful with instilling this in the kids. It was a very diverse school, with many who were brand new in this country, they learned from everyone different or no.

It will be a glorious day when you and Rob get to have your wedding, I hope to be there to support you two. You are a wonderful and caring family, and I think more of you guys than I do many of the people I come in contact each and every day. You are special in every way. Sydney is so very lucky to have you as parents. I was just crushed when I read that 4 (heartless) families tossed her away....my heart hurt over that, what a shame. My mind can not wrap around that concept at all.....thank goodness she found love, real love that will sustain her well into her adult life!!! Chin up my friend....you are very much loved and admired!

Patricia said...

I sure wish you lived next door---on second thought, maybe you are best in TX, it was here in TN that yesterday, a physician said, "things would have been better had the south won the war". Not sure what that meant, but since my ancestors were the ones in the kitchen and fields, I am not so sure that would have been a good thing for me----but then, he doesn't consider me valuable, or he wouldn't have said what he did. Glad though I was able to look at him like the fool he is and laugh shaking my head---saying "if it had, I would have loved to cook YOUR food!". I don't even think he got it! Hugs and happy b-day to your "honey-bunny"!

Becky said...

Lane;
You and Rob ROCK! I wish all family picture's showed that much happiness.
Becky

Marg said...

I'm sorry Lane I can't explain it either. Unfortunately there are some very vocal small-minded, selfish, ignorant people in the world, who like to scare monger. It's so unfortunate, and we can only hope that sooner rather than later sanity will prevail.
I think it is fabulous that you have shared your hearts and your home with Sydney where others have failed. I agree with Becky, you and Rob ROCK.

Happy Birthday Sydney, wow a teenager!!!!

Stormy Days said...

I don't understand all of the hate. Our country is in the grip of so much fear that the weak and hateful seem to be the most outspoken. I had hopes that people would be better, look at love in any form and embrace it, instead we seem to be going backwards. Hold your family close and know that there are a lot of people on your side, I think we are all hunkered down waiting for this ugliness to subside.

Pauline said...

Everybody wants freedom, but they can't seem to understand that to have freedom, they mush give others their freedom. Freedom to chose was what the Creator gave to Adam and Eve. By exercising this freedom, they partook of the knowledge of good and evil and began to decide what others could or couldn't do, becoming "as gods." There is only one God, all others being false gods, who claim to know how to run your life better that you can. Thus trying to make you, through a system of punishments and rewards, conform to THEIR ideas of "right and wrong" taking away your freedom to chose. Stupid huh? Don't be discouraged my friend. There are lots of people out there who recognize your rights and, like me appreciate you.

Lisa said...

I don't understand it either. How can anyone believe they have the right to tell others how to live, what to believe, who they can love? Would they want someone telling them? This world would be so much more peaceful if people could just open their hearts and accept everyone's differences as learning experiences. Come to Connecticut. I am a Justice of the Peace and I perform many same sex marriages. And to tell you the truth, my same sex couples seem much happier than the hetros. Go figure. Beautiful daughter. Lucky guys. Oh and I liked your quilt too.

wordmama said...

I agree with all your supportive comments above. You, Rob and Sydney make a fantastic family and I will vote in support of your rights to be legally married every chance I get. I vote every election in a staunchly Republican state where my opposing vote is like spitting into the wind.

I won't stop trying though.