This time of year, graciousness is really the name of the game. And, it's been at the top of the emotional heap for me, for a while.

Graciousness is greeting your dentist with a smile. It's also smiling at the hygenist, who you know is about to hurt you.

Graciousness is smiling when someone unexpected gives you a gift and you don't have anything in return.

Graciousness is smiling when someone gives you an expensive gift and you gave them a bag of coffee beans and a tin of biscotti and you're feeling really uncomfortable.

Graciousness is when you eat a friend's home made snacks and tell them how wonderful they are...and rush to brush your teeth to get that god-awful taste out of your mouth.

Graciousness is not continuing to send cards to people you don't like...just graciously backing down from that responsibility.

Graciousness is spending time finding things your best friend will like and smiling when you unwrap bath soap in return.

Graciousness is inviting her for dessert after not being invited to her house on the one year she decides to cook after she's come to your house for every holiday in the last 17 years.

And, graciousness is smiling through the stilted visit when she comes for dessert...and doesn't eat any dessert...and doesn't take off her coat.

Graciousness is chatting with the postman and wishing happy holidays to the grocery clerk and the bag boy that just bagged a twelve dollar ham with five pounds of sugar and a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner.

Graciousness is having a holiday free from argument, even if you really want to spend time with a teen that doesn't want to have to actually do anything, not even be pleasant.

As I learn to deal with my fear, and subsequently with my anger, I find that I need, more and more, to work on being gracious. For me, the opposite of being angry is being gracious, no matter what's spinning around in my pointy little head that I'd like to say. As I spend less time on anger, I am required to spend more time being gracious.

Okay, so that's what is on my mind for the day. Hope everyone is having a wonderful Tuesday. I'm back at the office. 80% of my work group is not here, so it's being a really quiet day. Oh, what I could accomplish if every day was this quiet.



Anonymous said...


Vesuviusmama said...

Well said. Being gracious has saved me so many distraught moments - for me, it is easier to be gracious than to be angry. I'd rather spend my energy elsewhere. Have a wonderful, quiet day at work!it is cold and rainy here today so I'm wrapped up on the bed with a quilt and some tea and the iPad, happy to have the week off. It is the first time ever that my office has been closed this week.

Anonymous said...

I think that I have to work on my graciousness. Especially at those times when 'friends' tell me I'm wrong when I know for a fact that I'm right. Hopefully I will just smile and nod, and not say a word more. Thanks for sharing.

Becky said...

Sorry you have had to practice your graciousness so much...you are better at it than I would have been. Haha
Sending big hugs your way and just remember how much I enjoy your friendship! You're a real gem in my book! Love you!!!!

Kate said...

Lane, dear, you always find the most interesting things to post about... I do think men often default to anger as a response to anything uncomfortable... (and I think it was a survival instinct that was probably very useful in caveman days ) I'm always saying to DH, "but why are you angry at ME about that" - and he explains again that he is just angry, period... Perhaps I will begin a campaign to teach him about graciousness... it might be an uphill climb!!! Glad you have it nailed!

Lucy @ Charm About You said...


Bennett and Graves said...

Books to deal with teen girls "Get Out of My Life, But first could you drive Cheryl and me to the mall" by Anthony Wolf. Yep that's the title. And "Promise you won't freak out" by Doris Fuller. A bit of humor mixed with some great tools including letting them have the Last Word. Cuz when you don't respond it Stops. Yeah, I locked myself up to sew too. Gayle

Mimi said...

Okay... I guess I need to work on some of my graciousness... point made and I'm pleased you brought it up!!

Anonymous said...

Graciousness is the glue that keeps the world together, but some of us find it hard.You never know what they expect out of you and it is hard doing it all. Love your articles.

Paul said...

Well Said.