discombobulation

Change is good.  But, only change that I want is good. 

Okay, so clearly, yesterday was not just about Google.  Yesterday was about a whole series of unpleasant changes, and Google was the only one I could rant about.

I did learn one thing tho.  Updates I made to my blog post did not go out like I expected them to.  Used to, when I updated my post to add some info or moderate some language, it updated for everybody that read after that.  Clearly, that didn’t happen yesterday.  I updated the post soon after it was published to better express my frustration, but y’all were still seeing the original post, well into the night.  So, that’s info for everybody using blogger.

I’m having a bit of difficulty right now with “right focus”.  I keep getting distracted by little things, like google, and not focusing on the big stuff, like work. 

All I want to do is sit and sew and relax.  But, a frustration has been building up in me for days.  A feeling that I’m wasting time and I don’t know on what, but I’m still being really productive, so it can’t be wasted, so why does it feel like such a waste?  I feel like I’m in really bad trouble for something, but I can’t think what I might have done.  And, believe me, I’ve reviewed everything I can.

At my machine, I am in charge.  I create what I want.  It looks like I want.  The only change is change I want, and so it is good change.

At work, I can’t think about what I need to.  I’m able to put out fires and smile and send pleasant messages to those I work with, but inside, I just couldn’t care less.  And, what’s going on in American politics has actually got me a little scared.  I keep reassuring myself that these are just the vocal, that the majority is sitting back, quiet, like me, and won’t speak until we vote.  But, OMG, the disrespect is just appalling. 

Something about my lack of “right focus” is really important, but I don’t quite understand it yet.  So, instead of fretting it, I need to put it in a quiet place and just let it be, until it grows up and gets a focus.  Meanwhile I need to get through the next few days, and the next few days after that.  Later, I’ll understand what’s really going on, but for now, I just need to know that something is going on; acknowledge it, but don’t let it bog me down.  

My frustrations bled into family time last night.  I was an angry dark cloud that wouldn’t talk to anybody; better not to say anything than aim something at one of them.  But, I’m learning that it’s not always what you do.  What counts is what you do after that.  And, after that, I relaxed and apologized and took my part in family time for the rest of the evening.

One day, the secret to what it all meant is going to be clear to me.  It’s just, I’m worried that it might be too late and the secret might be “what were you so stressed about?”

So, today, I’m shooting for a relaxed day.  And, I’m using a different writer software for the first time to write this post.  So far, so good.  I can feel the relaxation flowing in.

As Ellen says, Be kind to one another.

Lane