I've been hesitant to write the last couple of days, because so many of my thoughts are about what happened in Boston. Most of the bloggers I follow aren't blogging about what happened. That makes me feel like maybe I'm the only one that's having trouble finding words this week. But, lots of the bloggers I follow haven't posted in the last couple of days either, so maybe it's not just me.
Am I the only one that's feeling a little jittery?
By definition, a terrorist is someone that makes people afraid; terrified. They hurt one person in hope of making a lot of people afraid. And, it's effective...if your goal is to make a lot of people afraid.
Theoretically, if you make enough people afraid, you can change a behavior.
Theoretically, if you make people afraid enough, you can get them to lock themselves in their bathrooms, with their showers packed full of canned goods, refusing to come out until the Apocalypse.
Yesterday, I heard a lady from Boston interviewed on the news and her comment was that she refuses to be afraid. My first thought was about how courageous that is to say, right there, on site.
But, I wonder. Is she really refusing to be afraid? Or, is she refusing to be affected?
I can't say that I'm not afraid, even with the thousands of miles between Boston and Austin. .
I don't control the emotions I feel and fear is an emotion. I can't stop being afraid.
But, I can refuse to be affected. I can keep going to work and I can keep tending to my garden and I can keep making quilts and I can keep donating to service organizations. I can keep talking to my family and letting them know every day, and every minute that I am here, I am loving them; just in case there is a time when I am not here and able to let them know.
Over the last decade, I've learned that there's no shame in letting the terrorist be successful at making me afraid. But, I have not let them have the pleasure of success at making me change my behavior.
For me, refusing to be afraid is a great thing, if you can do it. But, what I think is really courageous is to be afraid and still do whatever it is you need to do. Like a tenured fireman, rushing into a burning building. A tenured fireman knows the danger. And, they go in anyway. What could possibly be more brave than that???
I guess I'm interested in how others are feeling. Are you afraid? Are you affected? Have you locked yourself in your bathroom, refusing to come out?
Are you carrying on?