The broken hearted

Last night, I sat and listened to my daughter cry on the phone about a boy for almost an hour.  I didn't understand most of what she was saying, but it wasn't important.  My job was to listen, not to understand. 

There's a boy.  And, she has a lot in common with said boy and they are really good friends.  The boy graduates in a month and has big plans to get away; go to some other city for college and leave Austin and his parents behind.  (I knew most of this already).  And, because of that, Sydney isn't interested in being more than friends. 

There's another boy that's gay and likes the first boy.  But, the first boy isn't gay.  The second boy is jealous of how close Syd and boy one are, and like a bitchy queen, he's tearing Syd down to try to get her out of the picture, even though boy one already told boy two he's not gay and not interested.  (thankfully I knew some of this subplot, too.).

They all have a class together, and it's gotten so bad that boy two has made stuff up and told the teacher.  The class was supposed to be a communication class.  That's what we signed Syd up for, but it turned out to be more of a free-form poetry class where they shared lots of emotional stuff, so boy two has lots of hurtful ammunition.  So, a class that Sydney was doing so well in, now she just wants to hide in the corner in the back of the room and not participate. 

I know my girl.  I know she is not guilt free in this situation.  She didn't tell me any of her part, but she has kind of a smart mouth and can lash out like nobody's business. 

But, if you remember back to being a teenager, that doesn't stop it from hurting.

So, I'm sitting there, on the phone with her, listening, and the only message that I can deliver is the message we normally deliver to gay kids, but it's not just a gay lesson.  "It gets better, I promise". 

Yeah, I said it about 53 different ways.  I was very creative that way.  You're between being a child and an adult and the lessons you're learning now will keep you from making those same mistakes as an adult.  Adulthood lasts a lot longer than childhood, so be glad you're learning these lessons now while you still live at home with people that care about you.  At least two old men think you're very special and soon, lots of boys are going to know it, too.  You're about to head out into the world with a job and college and you're going to meet a whole new set of boys; boys that will be the same, but also boys that will be different.  Boys with different priorities.  Boys who have already learned the lessons you're learning now. 

Whatever I could think to say that would be encouraging. 

Sydney doesn't usually talk to me this way.  It was easier to talk to me over the phone than face to face.  I wonder if she'd talk to me if we were both at home, but talking on the phone. 

I was torn between wanting to hug her, and being proud that she would talk to me.  That's work I've done.  Years worth of work.  Paying off.

And, that makes me a proud dad. 

Things in Indiana are a little different.  It got better when I got around my team and we could all talk about what was going on and I wasn't just a floating island out there on my own in a strange place that I was comfortable in.  But, this trip was still a mistake for me personally.  I'm the oldest one and there is too much going on for me.  It's only Wednesday, and I'm exhausted.  One thing I know I'm giving up is team dinners.  They can eat at 9pm, but if I do that, I don't sleep.  And, the rich food is really working a number on my insides.  For breakfast today, I'm planning plain eggs and toast, just to give my stomach a break.  And, tonight, I'll find something plain as well and eat it early and hopefully, I will get a better nights sleep than I did last night. 

The upside is that I can already tell I've lost some weight, and that's a good thing.  Except when I get home and start eating my own cooking again, I'll put it right back on.

Everybody have a great Wednesday.  At least I think it's Wednesday.  There is no time to sew or knit.  I almost wish I'd left those things at home because they are just clutter in the suitcase that I can't take anything out of because I'm not in one place long enough. 

And, the driving.  What lovely scenery I'm seeing in Indiana in the spring.  This must be what makes the winters worth it.  Tonight, after a full day of meetings, we have a three hour drive to the next city.  At least that's what the locals told me.  My phone says it's only an hour and 45 minutes.  Y'all, please hope that my phone is right.  I need all of us thinking clear traffic and an easy drive. 

And, I need a fun fact about myself that I can share with strangers and doesn't out me as gay.  See, that's the problem with having to share a fun fact about yourself.  Not everybody has one that they're comfortable sharing.  But, that doesn't stop the gregarious from putting us on the spot.  My theory is that if I wanted you to know, you'd know and I wouldn't be put on the spot trying to come up with something.

Headed to the shower to see if I can come up with a fun fact about me that is work related and not too private. 

See ya'.  Lane